Riina kogemised

Today was the last maths’ class before the 2nd big test that is going to take place on Monday. I feel that I don’t have enough energy to really study for that… Especially with our national AIESEC conference coming up on Thursday.

Well, the good thing is that right now I’m on my 3rd version of the thesis and it shows a little bit what can come out from it. Although with all that stuff that I have added there, I have this voice that asks me if it is really necessary, is it really suitable from my field of study point of view and from my employer’s side.

Ohh, tough luck, I’d say.

There is also something that makes me a bit worried – it’s getting harder and harder to fall asleep each night. I guess the tension is sort of building up and that’s where it really comes from. I will still try to catch some sleep now :) Tomorrow it’s time to do some work for a change.

Ahh, yes, just one last thing (or two :D)

It’s really funny how people are so predictable sometimes. You know that they want to ask you something and it’s really a matter of time – well a matter of finding the worst time actually – when to ask that question. One of the best times is definitely at 2 am in the morning right after I’ve said "good night" :D

And yes, the second thing… I realised today that in a way, people who are in the same situation as I am, sort of comfort me. Speaking with them and finding out how they feel similar or very different feelings about these things is really motivating :) Today I got a lot of work done after one of these chats that really weren’t that much about writing thesis or such, but just in general, a really nice talk ;) So be aware, I’m hungry for more! :P

Today it’s been sort of a marathon. Searching for information in e-library has been THE thing today. My neck almost hurts from it already (but that’s because I don’t stretch often enough I suppose). After working on some stuff all day and getting back after 3-hour brake I realised that I was focusing on wrong things… I was focusing on one issue, but I should really be working on a different one.

And then the 3-hour brake sort of extended to be almost 6-hour one, because of a really time-consuming task I had to finish today. Yes, I know what is more important (or do I?), but still somehow I feel responsible enough to do what is needed to be done even though that doesn’t quite help me with my own goals.

Anyways, now I have this beautiful music playing and I feel that I should go to bed. But guess what?! Can’t do that yet, because what needs to be done, needs to be done. So I have to get at least 2 of those missed hours from my bedtime. Which sort of sucks, but I have a deal with myself – from sleeping hours I can only take time for what is MOST important in my life at the time. Whether it is chatting with some really good friends or writing thesis or studying maths.

Aine: YMM3740 Matemaatiline Analüüs 2
Semester: kevad 2008
Moodul: Alusõpe
Loengute õppejõud: Ivar Tammeraid
Harjutustunnid: M. Pihlak
Eksami hinne: 3

YMM3740 – Matemaatiline Analüüs II – Ivar Tammeraid
Oeh, täitsa võimatu… Esimest Tammeraiu analüüsigi tegin ma ei tea kui kaua. Nüüd siis jagelen teisega ja ilgelt keeruline on. Tobe on see, et selle analüüs II kohta pole netist väga mingei materjale leida. Ei kollokviumiteemasid, soovitusi, nõuandeid – mitte midagi. Ometigi on esimese analüüsi kohta materjali ju päris lihtne leida. Võib-olla siis on lihtsalt põhjus selles, et esimesega oli üliõpilastel aega jännata, teine tehti aga lihtsalt hambad ristis ära ilma suurema kisa-kärata.
/ 27.02.2006 /

Huh, hea et ma selle postituse otsa koperdasin. Muidu polekski vist välja tulnud, et pean selle aine uuesti deklareerima, et selle tehtud saaksin :S

Igaljuhul ei tundugi see aine enam niiväga võimatu, kui tookord, üle 2 aasta tagasi. Aga üheks viimastest ainetest on ta mul tõepoolest jäänud. Eks niipalju on vett vahepeal merre voolanud, et tõenäosuse kontrolltööd tehtud said jaanuarikuus. No ja kuna tegelikult on analüüs II eelduseks tõenäosusele, on mul selle võrra nüüd vast natuke lihtsam. Nii mõnigi asi tundub täitsa loogiline. Ülesannete lahenduskäigud ei olegi nii hullud jne. Esimese kontrolltöö sain suisa 76 punkti peale tehtud, mis on täitsa mõistlik tulemus :)

Teooriat kirjutama pole veel jõudnud, aga sellele panen põhirõhu lähinädalatel, kui lõputööga asjad kuskilmaal on :)

Igatahes – nõustun selles eelmisel korral kirjutatud postituse kommentaarides toodud mrt kommentaariga, et parim materjal on Tammeraiu enda materjal. Seal on ju kõik kirjas, mida vähegi vaja võib minna! Nii teooria kui ülesannete koha pealt.

Ja mulle tundub, et matemaatika on mulle vahelduseks jälle meeldima hakanud!

Täiendus: 2008 kevadsemestril teemade kollokviumiteks jagunemine:

• 1 kollokvium – I osa :: 1.1.-1.8.
  • 26.05.08 – piirväärtus & pidevus; liitfunktsiooni osatuletis; Taylori valem (tehtud, 93%)
  • 28.05.08 – Taylori valem; liitfunktsiooni osatuletis; osatuletise definitsioon ja omadused.
  • 05.06.08 – F-ni piirväärtus ja pidevus; liitfunktsiooni osatuletised; Taylori valem.
• 2 kollokvium – II osa :: 1.9-2.6.
  • 26.05.08 – keegi ei kirjutanud seda teemat (ja seal on punkte vähe niikuinii :))
  • 28.05.08 – lokaalne ekstreemum; D’Alemberti tunnus; Leibnizi tunnus
  • 29.05.08 – D’Alembert’i tunnus; integraaltunnus; Leibnizi tunnus (tehtud, 85%)
• 3 kollokvium – II osa :: 2.7.-2.17.
  • 26.05.08 – põhiliste el. funktsioonide Maclaurini reaks arendus (+koonduvusraadius); Fourier integraalvalem, teisendus & pöördteisendus; Fourier’ rida 2l-trigonomeetrilise süsteemi järgi
  • 28.05.08 – Abeli teoreem; F-ni arendus Fourier 2Pi-perioodil. süst. järgi; koosinus- ja siinusteisendus
  • 05.06.08 – Abeli teoreem; Fourier’ 2-l perioodi järgi; Fourier’ integraalvalem ja teisendid.
• 4 kollokvium – III osa :: kõik teemad
  • 26.05.08 – kahekordse integraali definitsioon ja omadused; kolmekordne integraal ristkoordinaatides; Greeni valem
  • 28.05.08 – 1-liiki joonintegraali definitsioon, omadused ja arvutamine; Greeni valem; 2x integraali definitsioon ja omadused.
  • 29.05.08 – Greeni valem; polaarkoordinaadid; kahekordne integraal (ei ole kõige täpsem, kuulsin neid hiljem alles siis, kui juba töid kontrolliti)
  • 05.06.08 – 2x integraali definitsioon, omadused ja arvutamine ristkoordinaatides; 3x integraal silinder ja sfäärkoordinaatides; 1-liiki joonintegraali definitsioon ja arvutamine.
• Eksam 3 & 4 osa peale
  • 04.06.08 – Fourier’ 2PI süsteemi järgi; 3x integraali definitsioon, omadused ja arvutamine ristkoordinaatides; Greeni valem
  • 05.06.08 – Fourier 2-l süsteemi järgi; 2x integraali definitsioon, omadused ja arvutamine ristkoordinaatides; 1-liiki joonintegraali definitsioon, omadused ja arvutamine. (tehtud, lõpphinne 3)

Viide: Esimesed emotsioonid harjutustunnist (23.01.2006)
Viide: Teised emotsioonid ainest (27.02.2006)
Viide: Ivar Tammeraiu materjalid TTÜ serveris

It’s been a year now, I guess. At least considering that the year of the president of an LC doesn’t quite start at the 1st of June, but always a bit earlier. It has been a weird year – a lot of things happened. Not only in AIESEC, but also in my personal life (yes, you can have that as well in AIESEC :D).

I’ve had to learn how to make compromises, I’ve had to learn how not to let AIESEC take over my life completely, I’ve had to learn how important it is to have good people around me and how much work it really takes to show them I care.

At times I’ve wanted to be in control so badly, that I’ve actually lost control and learn to live without knowing what’s going to happen next.

I have also learned the hard way – what’s out of sight is out of mind. Actually from both good and bad perspective. Meaning that at times I’ve lost AIESEC things out of sight and then of course they have been out of my mind as well. It’s difficult to get back on track in these situations, but somehow I’ve managed. And from other side – some things that could and should get out of my mind have been sitting there until I clear them away from my sight. Yes, at times I still check that folder in my MSN with some special people in them, but now I know that I can live just as well without them in my head. I’m sure when the time is right and it was meant to be they disappear for good. It is definitely not what I want, but if it’s what they want then I won’t stand on their way.

It is time. It is time for taking the most out of the month that I have left in this position of being the leader of AIESEC Tallinn. It is also time to give the most out of myself to these people who will continue what I have started. And then – when it’s all over – it’s time to move on. Time to move on by finding new challenges, new ideas and focusing on the most important wishes I have for the future.

But now, back to reality! :)

Found out the results for the BEST Summer Courses…

1. choice Chania – Sorry, not selected
2. choice Patras – Sorry, not selected
3. choice Madrid – In the Waiting List, woohoo!!!

Being in the waiting list is far far better than being not selected :) So now it’s either some people cancel or they don’t. That’s the only thing that sets me apart from getting to go or not… Hopefully things turn out the best and on 10th of July you’ll find me in Madrid, but we’ll see about that later on (latest I guess by May 10th)!

So take care & have fun! For me it’s time for bed :D

Et siis Taani, jah?

• Hinnad samad, mis Eestis EEK-ides, ehk siis reaalsuses 2x kallimad
• Rongiga saab igale poole, kaasa arvatud linna teises otsas toimuvale konverentsile
• Kahju, kui konverentsi korraldajatega piisavalt head klappi pole, et sellest osa võtta – oleks kindlasti poole lõbusam olnud :)
• Reedel kõndisime. Palju. Mina kontsaga saabastega :D Aga ööbimispaika jõudsin ikkagi kohale!
• Arvutist on igav filmi vaadata. Eriti kui sealt suurt midagi näha pole. Hea, et tegemist sellise filmiga oli, millel väga olulist sisu polnud, mida peaks pidevalt tähele panema
• Meeldiv on tõdeda, et "silmarõõm", kelle puhul on äärmiselt mugav kui ta "huviobjektiks" ei muutu, näitab oma seda külge, mistõttu ta "huviobjekiks" ei sobikski :D (suitsetamine jms)
• Kui konverents ootustele ei vasta, on vähemalt aastatega omandatud oskus sellest õppimispunkte leida ennast kuhjaga ära tasunud.
• Kui ametlikul õhtusöögil kellegagi rääkida pole, siis aitab vahel äraolevast tüdinud pilgust ja see võib õhtule hoopis uue suuna anda.
• Kui juba joosta, siis joosta. Kindlasti ei tasu ette võtta lõunasööki (kellel seda ikka vaja on) ja muidugi pole ju üldse loomulik, et mõnele seltskonnakaaslasele võiks meeldida hetkeks aeg maha võtta ja päikesepaistet nautida.
• Ükskõik, kui totter mingi kujutluspilt või visioon tunduda ei või esimese hooga, on siiski äärmiselt armas, kui see ellu viidud saab. Pühapäevane kokkamine ja õhtusöök oli väga tore, hariv ja õpetlik :)
• Paadiga sõita on tore. Isegi kui ilm päikesepaisteline, aga siiski väga jahe.
• Ja tagasi tulles ühe olulise punktini – kui see teadmine, et "silmarõõmust" kunagi "huviobjekti" ei saa lõplikult kohale jõuab ja kinnistub, tasub sellest ainult rõõmu tunda :D Sest kõige tobedam üldse on asju valedel põhjustel teha ;)

Ehk siis – Kopenhaagen oli tore, Taani üldiselt väga meeldiv, ja palju mõtteid sain oma kaustikusse ka kirja panna, mille üle on mul topelt hea meel ;)

Ja kes tahab rohkem teada või pilte näha, tsekib Facebook’i, sest ma siia ei viitsi lihtsalt panna praegu ühtegi :D

Kallipaid!

Unbelievable, it has taken quite a lot of time to get myself thinking in Estonian again. I’ve had to listen to these songs in Estonian for background and hold myself back from saying stuff in English.

Yesterday after my maths’ class someone stumbled before me and instantly I wanted to say “excuse me”, not “vabandust” – I really can’t understand what’s the phenomena this time. Was it because my weekend was 110% English or because of not really wanting to get back to this Estonian reality – I’ve no idea.

I’d really like to find some time to write about my little trip to Copenhagen – it was very nice :) But I’ll have to leave it to some other time.

Ahh, yes, now I remember why I wanted to make a posting first place :P It’s because I realised something today – something that I sometimes do, but I don’t know if it’s good or bad… I’ll give it to you through an example.

So, there’s a meeting and after that there’s an event in the city center. A really cool and nice event where I’d be happy to go, if I didn’t have loads of stuff to worry about. However, other people would really like me to go. So… I leave the impression to them, that I might even go. I walk with them to a bus stop and wait there for the trolleybus to come. When it arrives, I quickly give a hug to people and say, see you some other time. Meaning that I let them know at the very last minute when they really can’t do anything, that I’m not going to do what they expected of me. Of course they want to talk me into going, but the tricky part is that they don’t have time for that when the trolleybus is in the stop.

So that’s the thing, and I’m quite sure I’ve done it before as well. Whether specifically about going someplace or in some other way.

Perhaps it’s a way to sort of protect myself and to be able to keep my promises that I’ve made for myself. Or perhaps it’s a way of living my values of doing what’s best for me at certain point in time…

Anyways, I felt I wanted to get that one out, so there you have it. Next time you know :)

… ja süda läks soojaks :) või vastupidises järjekorras, kes seda enam mäletab…

Sain kiirelt vastuse oma küsimusele, kas mu tore ja kallis mantlipärija saab ühele fantastilisele koolitamisteemalisele konverentsile – vastus oli JAH!

Muusikavalik, mille eile ühelt ammuselt plaadilt arvutisse uuesti võtsin, on lihtsalt liiiiiiiga chill ja mõnus kohati :P Väga muhe! Loving it!

Ja kreemiks koogil, kirsiks tordil, kellukeseks veinis oli üks pisitilluke, mõnede loetud ridadega msn-i vestlus mitte rohkem kui kümned minutid tagasi :)

Täna, nüüd ja praegu, praegu nüüd ja täna! Elu on tõeliselt ilus (ja ps. kevad on käes ju – kuigi siis kui mina seda lõpuks nautida saan, on juba suvi käes, böö)

mmmmmmmõnnnnnuuuuuuuus

jah, roheline on mu lemmikvärv, sellega seoses on kevad mu lemmikaastaaeg ja ma panen vahel tobedaid pisiasju (nagu rohelised sallid) tähele, so what :)

Do you know this feeling of anxiety, a rush of blood, not quite adrenaline shot, but something similar?

I get that sometimes… Like that one time when I was listening to some people explaining how to play the social game mafia – and did it quite differently from what I had learned. I knew my version was somehow advance, better if you say so and I wanted so badly to do it my way, but was somehow unable to. So I had to do it once the other way, to guide the whole game and then I could do it my way. It turned out really great although the rush of blood was in me the whole time I was guiding the first game. Aaaargh…

This feeling at times can really piss me off. But that’s just because I haven’t learned how to react on it. I don’t know what to do to make it go away, but perhaps it shouldn’t go away. This feeling – it really makes me feel alive, alive and thinking, alive and FEELING.

And to turn away from the last paragraphs – from totally different perspective… I have to push my limits again! I have to push them harder than I have ever before! When I feel that I can’t take this BS any longer, I’ll smile and say "thank you, come again". When I feel that I can’t exist without more sleep, I’ll smile and say "going to bed soon (at 3 am), see you at work". When I feel that the rush of blood is stopping me from thinking straight, I’ll smile and say "that’s a great idea, how about this thing that would get us further?"

So, again I’m on this track, I’m sure it will all be over soon – in less than 50 days, to be precise, but until then, I’ll just keep hanging on to what’s the dearest to me :) My friends, my thoughts, my future!

Gotta go now, future’s calling :D

Q: What to do when the white wine you bought for the sake of the beautiful bottle is tad bit too dry to be able to enjoy it?

A: Add a little drop of Kelluke (yes, you read it right) and some still water. Tastes a whole lot better.